Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
