watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
