I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
