I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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