Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
