Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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