playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
