i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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