I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
