I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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