i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
How's work?
Spinning.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize