dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
