I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
