also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
