I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
