did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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