Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
