just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
