You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
