Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize