sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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