we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
