My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
