I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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