So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
