dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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