After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
