His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
