since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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