she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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