I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
