You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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