Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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