I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
