Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
