well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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