I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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