we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
