watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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