you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize