ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
