youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
