I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
