I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she told me i tasted like america
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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