You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
