ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
