why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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