quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
