Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
