Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
