i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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