Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
