i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
