you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
