Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
