Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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