my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
