Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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