i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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