Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
